RECALCULATING

Last month brought about EXCELLENT news with the cure of liver infection and  I have only had one small issue with it since December's bad feta cheese at the local grocery. I still have to make sure I didn't go into stage 4 of liver failure (because there is no return from that...it's all a countdown from there). Last I know of was the test showing stage 3 from the beginning of last summer so I was surprised to read the November letter of rejection from my insurance because my liver wasn't bad enough and/or I needed to be off drugs for at least 30 days. WHAT?!? EXCUSE ME?!?? I don't even take the aspirin the hospital told me to take everyday! I don't even eat enough poppy seeds on my lemon cakes or hamburger buns to register anything either so the nurse I saw for a year and a half (when I went to see a DOCTOR...and it took the insurance 6 months to find that one for crying out loud!!!). Ohhhh ...I did grab anything I could find; a left over expired Xanax a family member left that was about 2 years old lol...and it worked for me! You try having to suffer 2 hours with your hand detached from your body because one bone in your arm is broken and the other is shattered :/ OW!

I was hoping the cloudy headedness would go with the liver ailment but no. Seems to have been from the first fall about 6 years ago that involved my neck (ruptured disc). I was told it was ok by another UHC network doc (actually a nurse who said she was a doc..omg...I SWEAR!!). But that is all behind me now and I've been soooo excited about moving on and the EENT doc sent me to therapy to rid the dizziness! The pressure has diminished from around my ear (same side the head injury, neck injury from first fall, shattered wrist from other serious fall, then a few months later followed my the 5 tick bites on THE SAME SIDE OF THE DANG HEAD Mana brought me from the woods, then a few months later around Christmas came the skin infliction...SAME DANG SIDE!!! WTH?!? It's like getting pinched on your arm and you want to pinch the other side to feel 'balanced' but helllll no....I've seemed to get EVERYTHING on this on side :/ I'm wanting to dig up the photo of me when I came out of the hospital here the first week I moved into this house when I had the piece of wood stuck in my foot to see which foot it was. Somehow I came home with a bandaged foot I couldn't walk on for two months along with a bandaged hand...I can't remember what they did to it but I was in shock with the mold under all the sinks...the woozy feeling from whatever IV for tetnus they gave me so it must have been bandaged like a mummy from that. Who the heck knows.

So far...the neck has been ok. I keep care of it largely in part to "My Pillow" (even though I still love my goose downs...they don't support as well though :/), plus these exercises my therapist has me do. Dizziness still there...with eyes open or not and pressure comes back but I know the moves to decrease it. If I could go around the house with my head cocked to the side I'd be ok but it's hard to do this (I've tried :/). The main thing is my prayers were heard and are being answered. Not so much to spare my life...if God has me down to go...then that is how it will be. No. I just prayed to be under professional care so I won't feel alone or abandoned, know what is going on and what alternatives I have to make it better if that is possible. Today I concluded with the tenderness/soreness on the top back side of my skull will always be there, reasoning or comprehending things will always be a bit slow (I still stop in the middle of stuff and have to ask myself this round of questions to get myself through chores or what was I doing, what was I going to do, what am I doing...yada yada). Most of my family don't take my quirkiness so seriously anymore. They know the way I was...and now we just 'roll' or joke about it all ("Oh...her peculiarity is a part of her charm".....yeah....right. Whatever :/ Epic save though ;) ).

I guess that's just how it goes though. At least all the insurance/network doctor hell in the beginning got my mind and hate off of AT&T for having me zoom around trying to fix the internet for 4 years around here. I know I can't really groom the dogs well, tool leather or play the guitar and will always have issues with this hand. Now I know I will always have this hard to comprehend things so maybe it's good Jim has me in this big box in the woods lol :D I do get excited when I come out and think things will be taken care of but I know what I started (to get my site online and continue my crafts, leather etc.) won't happen. Even the internet has changed in all this time (Over 7 years now). I just hate when others say "Well, Jim takes care of you and makes sure your happy and comfortable". The life of bon bons, video gaming, and spacing around isn't happiness or comfortable. Nor do I find it stylish. It is for quiters, losers, and now I know...the disabled to get their minds off of the permanent problems they now have to live with. I think my biggest regret is failing Paros, myself, and my breeder. I will also not be able to have that shot of ouzo or dance the sirtaki past the slow bit (which only lasts a moment :/) when I go to Greece :((( Maybe instead of cultural immersion...I can have a driver take me to visit Meteora :)

So in honor of an admired friend that has undergone similar (but worse) health dilemmas as me this past year (lung cancer...chemo/radiation shrunk it...now she is waiting to see the next step from there)...being given a death sentence doesn't necessarily mean that is what we will die from or that we should allow depression to take over. We could be hit by lightning, traffic accident, etc. A positive spirit rules not only the day...but life and beyond :) So the ear worms since January have been "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons, "Ten Years Gone" by Led Zepplin, "Cuts You Up" by Peter Murphy (which ironically is playing at the House of Blues in New Orleans April 26th and I am going to Turkey where he moved to at the time of the album I had just given away in hopes to replace it with a CD lol but they no longer have seating since the mid 90's at HOB :((( Hate to miss it but glad to immerse myself with the Islamic culture. I think their religion is beautiful and love reading the Quran on occasion). And always of course...Dave Matthews band. #41. Thank heavens for his music that always keep my spirit moving! Jim has long ago tagged "Crash" as 'our song' and ironically enough...I had gone to see his "Crash" album debut with MTV filming it at the State Palace Theatre on Canal in New Orleans French Quarter. THE BUILDING ROCKED...I mean LITERALLY SHAKED!!! :))) So I may forget the day to day little things...but not the big ;)

As for the pics...I put some of my old favorites here because I got stoked when I heard Netflix was hiring 3 people to travel and take pictures for 2 weeks. I thought I had an edge over others because they wouldn't have to pay for my travel since I was already going over to Turkey, Greece, all over Italy, Spain, Malta, France, etc. Then I read further and seen you have to instagram your 3 pictures by mid March :l It may take all that time to learn how to work the app with all I have going on :/

The other one of me in docs office with Jim. He put my turtle neck up over my mouth. They just say "Help...she's talking and can't shut up" lol :D I don't really think it's funny but guess it's just how it's going to be...no brakes and never quite normal (God Bless the women who laughed with me in therapy when I said "You know I ain't right" with the response of "Since the first day" by my therapist lolol :D I just love her anyway and I feel she knows I'm ok...even though I ain't  :( :/ :l :P

Trevi Fountain; Jim's favorite :)

For my prayers requesting direction...I believe God reminded me of 2 things. His serenity prayer...and to remain hopeful for as long as I have hands and a mind. I can always make lemonade when given lemons ;)

 

The Serenity Prayer

 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

                                              

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely 
happy with Him forever in the next.
 

                                             

 

 

  Ciao ciao...fino ad allora ;)
 



UPWARD AND ONWARD

 

I can't believe it's been 2 months since the last post. Longest period of silence for me in here largely in part due to getting off "UHC Network Treadmill" and finding my own doctor. It was like a mountain of stress taken off my back and whether or not I survive this stage 3 liver mess...I am under a doctor's care whom I actually see, has a license, clean office, prescribes treatments, answers questions etc.!! Whether he is a POE, POP...I dunno. I never had to deal with or understand insurance mess so when I went to purchase mine again...I just thought getting it through Jim's work would take one less bill off of my desk. Not that I got a price break. It cost me as much or more as the other private health insurances I've purchased for me in the past.

So with the internet running, seeing doctors WHO ARE PRESENT AND PROFESSIONAL....I've been ok and liver not so inflamed with the stress gone. Thanksgiving came about and Jim didn't come home until late the night before so I didn't get to shop for food but not too worried about it...there was always chicken from the gas station lol but we were lucky Cracker Barrel was opened (although I'd been happier with the baked chicken from the gas station if it was free from food poisoning :/). I think the first time my liver swelled up was around our Christmas trip to Caribbean when I had a small piece of Tiramisu :/ Then twice after seeing liver doc after Christmas right before my blood work thanks to the local store here. I think they purchase rejected food left hot on trucks and rejected by other stores. About 40% of it is expired. Even the elderly impoverished blacks here and distressed about it so it isn't like I'm finicky or particular, even though I am, but I mean really?!? When even those who are more free going with what hits their table or mouths notice this...it's a problem that needs to be addressed. So my liver kicked me down for 2 days last week after purchasing some feta cheese with a good date (after I threw the 6 or so expired containers of bleu cheese off to the side :P). What happened to our laws and protection for clean food, air, and water? Health care? WTH?!??

I also thought we were still under the regulations of gun control until I heard Obama's speech on it. I know I was screened for my handgun when I had run night deposits of large sums of money to the bank. I took gun safety classes, registered my firearm, took care of it, adhered to the rules of reporting it when it was taken, and never used it for anything but to insure my safety. You just don't play, threaten, toy, or carelessly handle a firearm. Nor should anyone else use it other than your instructor. Kudo's to Obama. I didn't realize we allowed irresponsible idiots to have guns because of some 'loop hole' and the internet :P

But what compelled me to come in here this week was hearing about David Bowie's passing. We have been playing the crap out of "Black Star" since before Christmas and all doing what we call Bowie's "Creepy Shakes" (instead of "Hippie Shakes" lol :D) from Memphis to New Orleans, to Caribbean, and everywhere inbetween. I had even learned my eldest daughter (pictured here) would watch his movie "Labyrinth" and others over, and over again just because of him! How cool this artist from my generation spanned into the next! He probably did that piece for his son no doubt :} He continued on with the story of the "Starman" and all of his alien, Major Tom (Space Oddity, Ashes to Ashes, etc.), and other songs about our beloved starman (also played on the new movie "The Martian"....I had to back it up to watch the movie once I quit rocking out to "Starman" from Ziggy Stardust lol :D ). He plays the prophet telling the story in this 'other world' where the starman landed and died, and how this primitive culture looked up to him and probably thought this is where they came from (like the Mayan's at Chichen Itza or Tulum thought they derived from snakes and worshipped them). We could only speculate they sacrificed the men once they bred with them but hearing how he died the weekend the full album was released on his 69th birthday, getting his star on the Hollywood Blvd. walk of fame, the play out from Lazarus, and Michael Hall from showtime's "Dexter" preformed on a late night show....all in one week...Bowie never emulates another artist...he comes on the scene in his own unique way.

And to those who think it all means some satanic crap...what a primitive assumption showing your ignorance. He is a star and unfortunately he had this black mass taking him from us and he knew it. I'm sure he has had his doubts but those of us who have followed Bowie throughout the years know better. He is all about spirituality, not religion, and has questioned the existence of God like all humans. Obviously he had some issues with his illness from his new songs so I'm inclined to agree with CNN's article speculating about it as well. But now he knows there is a God for sure so RIP Bowie....we'll always love you and do the 'creepy shakes'...knowing you are free as that blue bird in heaven within pure energy of light and love which is whom we call God :)

Prayers to the 7 year old boy who lost his life from the tornado that hit right before Christmas up the road from here and Bowie's family. I'll probably always love "Heroes" the best because it was then I was SURE he wasn't strange, just normal and highly creative :) My daughter was on her 4th time of watching "Labyrinth" one day in the 80's when I had to pull the VHS tape out and make her go get some exercise outside but ironically I never knew until this Christmas going home to NOLA that she was just mesmerized with him!We'll always have our passport and shoes ready, Bowie, doing the 'creepy shakes', singing Starman and Space Oddity, and moving onwards and upwards right behind you! :))))

Thanks for all the years of music and movies. We've always been aboard listening to and following you, loving where you are still taking us. You'll always be 'Golden' to us ;)

  

 

 

STOP 'ROUND FOR STARTERS

 

I sooo got the green light from my insurance, United Health Care, and wanted to RUSH in here to retract what I had said about them in the last post. Yeah...some of the network doctors aren't there or never show but 2 out of 2 isn't bad and my general practitioner is a God Send who is not only compassionate, smart, written a book on how Christ died, but has an extreme passion and reverence for him. I felt like my prayers were heard and our Father sent me to one of his best! :))))

And while on prayers...I had another MRI yesterday (I tried to get out of :/ I was just hoping knowledge would drop out of his mouth by using last years MRI and he'd throw me a miracle pill or wave that magic wand) so recited Psalms in order not to swallow while she had the machine running on my neck, then our lords prayer, then a prayer, and on the longest one, I started doing the rosary via fingers when it hit me! I had another piece of metal from a drapery needle lodged in my foot when aerobicizing back in 1988 and got osteomyelitis :l Infection set into my bones and they talked about removing my foot because the metal would have been too difficult to remove until 2 prayer groups later...Cipro had come onto the market. That antibiotic saved my foot by knocking the infection out of my bones before it could travel to my head!

So living here in the woods where I thought I'd get clean water and fresh air when instead I've gotten fecal coliform and crop dusters lol, has had me hit with every quirky health issue from the week we moved in. That first week landed me in the town's hospital with the green mold to remove a piece of wood from my other foot :/ The IV had me red as a beet and about to pass out but they did get it out and gasped when they saw it! Then running around checking signals with AT&T with power failures, falling off tables when they told me to pull phone lines and I get dizzy, nurse telling me she is a doctor and learning she wasn't (but finally in doctors hands). Now the lesion on the liver from last year has become 'lesions' and the mentioned 'diverticulitis' which I am now sure is more like a parasitic invasion now that Paros has been diagnosed with roundworms this week :(((


Yep. He has been off the monthly Heart worm pills that protects him from whip, round, and hookworms and even though I told the girl at the new vet not to put him on the 6 month injection...the vet gave him the 6 month injection ...which come to find out...does NOT protect him from roundworms! And I'm in the dirt more than the dogs gardening (not so much this year though...too listless). But this is after the Shih Tzu attacked my good arm when grooming him. I wasn't focused...still too foggy headed and he still thinks the clippers and brush are Satan and friends :/ He even drew blood in two places ...this was just the third place where no blood was drawn, just a bruise! Didn't even feel it though...not with the neck, side issues, and then came the eye all red, swelling, and feeling like I'm about to be hit with pink eye so I throw some ophthalmic ointment I had left over into my eye to thwart any new issues. My doctor has enough on his plate playing catch up with me! I can get what I can get and save the more difficult stuff for them (Lord bless them, give them strength, and a strong dose of understanding and humor!).

I went as the victim :/

I feel like I've been on a marathon and during the race here but I can see the finish line! I've been battered, neglected, bitten, bruised, lied to, poked, prodded, poisoned, and tired...just crawling to cross that line and get out of here! But I will always love the peace and privacy out here along with the time I've had to garden, play games, feed the chipmunk, birds, squirrels, herd of deer, and fox that churbles at me like a cat :) I know I don't want stairs in my next house and I've also realized that when I do die...I'll take my faith to ground with me! But I won't miss the horror I witnessed here with the schools, water, doctors (minus the ones I have that are REAL lol :D), internet issues and I won't even mention the electricity because they did rectify their problem asap ;) But I do see that finish line and I am optimistic I will cross it; accomplishing what I set out to do...regain my health.


Till then, Paros has to go on a diet and I need to discuss with the vet about whether it is safe or not to put him on the monthly pills that protect him from roundworms. So glad to see his stool coming around to normal today! I get to give the lab my stool too, tomorrow lol :D And whether it is positive or not...you can best bet I'll wear my gardening gloves and sit on the mat Jim gave me :) He has been encouraging and thinks I'll get my balance back and be able to ride the new scoot! I'd like to say that I just can't wait but it's exactly what I'll have to do :/ ~sigh~ I still haven't gotten the tags for it so maybe after I finish up some of this doc business! Just one more vac this month for Hep B and other stuff they suggested, then another in 6 months, and liver doc appointment, reading of MRI tomorrow ...then it's Christmas and cruising with my oldest daughter! We are excited! I'm a bit bummed about my youngest daughter's birthday tomorrow but she wasn't speaking to me when she was speaking to me :l  I bought me something for her birthday and will celebrate it and pray for her.  Jim just loves it! They were $100 off at restoration hardware and I think they look like afghan hounds! Just need to find my nightstands one day :/

As for my oldest daughter's birthday this month...I bought her a gown, gold earrings, the cruise, and little surprises when she goes to her cabin so she'll know how much she is loved too :) I know I will miss her and we can't say what the future holds but I believe it's time to finish up here and move forward into a lifestyle that is conducive to work, aging, and services we'll require...God willing

 

Happy Birthday to my daughters. I'll say it until I'm in the ground...you don't have to be perfect but I wish for you both to be decent, balanced woman who believe in God and know that you are loved :)