Friday, May 15, 2015


It has been a rough and emotional past 2 weeks of chaos around here. FINALLY got a general contractor to do some structural changes for the kitchen remodel and while I have got his attention...asked if he could squeeze more work like the garage and cutting through brick for a door on the side to allow access to a kennel run so the dogs won't get muddy during the rains. I plan to put their grooming table, tub, and cages in there instead of upstairs in my art room. Don't think he understood how I just wanted the 2 kitchen windows replaced with one resized higher up off the floor to allow cabinetry to come under it though. He mentioned putting 3 3' windows across the wall :/ The 2 longer ones would be nicer but then again...I'm not a structural engineer.

But the designer I'm working with from and I have come up with a more custom plan that allows for a window bench! I would be able to sit there by my cookbooks, stove, and play with the dogs. The Shih Tzu cage would be in the island like in the photo in the last post along with a dog door built in the wall for the Afghans so she gets it and her company does custom cabinets so although I may have to pay a little more to decrease size of cabinets...there are choices as well for pull out spice cabinets, big drawers, appliance garage, and things like that to keep things in order. Everything will be in it's place if I have to show it and kitchens sell :) It's all in God's hands so only time will tell.

Love knows no breed or color
So what made it tough was during estimates, measurements, clearing out and preparing for tear down is when Jim let the dogs out. He forgot Annabelle was in heat. I ran out the door screaming obscenities when I saw Paros going to town and Jim behind me to help separate them. I seen her tail was down so I am hoping that nothing happened because I just cannot handle a pile of them around here nor is Annabelle good stock not to mention neither has started little on finished confirmation. It's why I don't have female dogs. I am not a breeder but like to buy from them because puppies are practically free from genetic deficiencies. I was also a part of the AKC parenthood association and DETEST backyard breeding. I was depressed but even more so when Paros is squeaking Bayou's squeak toys. He hasn't done that in years since he went through that depression over the neighbors dog being in heat. It's why I bought Annabelle so he'd have someone to run with but he underweight issue (and I was on top of it with the Satin or Fat balls) has kept me from putting her through surgery for a spay. About at this point I have been on the verge of telling God that he lied when he said he would never give us more than we could handle. And with our luck...if we get a little Shih Tzu from England we already call "Lady B" ...for Lady Brit lol...she will probably love and pal around with Paros while the backyard puppy mills Annabelle and Bayou still google eye for one another like this old photo here. I'm sure we won't pass the adoption phase if Belle is pregnant (potential free puppies to good homes...not registering this litter so no papers!). And if we do...Bayou's balls are going IMMEDIATELY before the new puppy hits 6 months old. I can't rely on poor Jim to remember everything going on around here. He is always away or I have him soooo busy helping me here. He calls my 'honey do' lists "BOOKS". With Volumes :l

Yet it is right when I want to say I had more than I can's then I remember God breaks us
down in order to bring us back up and spin us into another direction; making us stronger to handle more difficult situations. Hopefully to fulfill our unforeseen purposes. Then when 2 deaths occurred close to home on the same day I am reminded of how insignificant my silly dilemma's and burdens are. They can be resolved but death brings about a finality in this life. Not that I don't believe in the after life because I do. It was like an epiphany when I was in Physics learning about Einstein's Conservation of Energy laws on how energy can neither be created nor destroyed...just transformed. Like the liquid state of water into vapor/gas or solid ice. So are our souls or energy. It's why I never could make contact or latch onto my feet to crawl back up into my body during that incident I had undergoing a C-section over 3 decades ago.

Well I have known Todd since I was 14 and he was my friend. He and my daughter are the only 2 people whom I've taught how to play guitar and he is a sweet compassionate soul. I wish I could let his wife know how in God's eyes...she is his first and only wife and soul mate and he is waiting for her. And to be more completely over the edge....we connected for a moment. I got a brief vision of him and how exuberantly ecstatic he is. Such a fleeting brush. Maybe we all experience this but from seems to be more common with us.

burned, cut, scraped :/ Hellooo hand?
Life is a gift and we go on. I am beating my head against the wall trying to figure cabinetry stains that will go with the floors and backsplash. I'm already wanting to take the floors back. The contractor pointed out they were Lumber Liquidator flooring and that even engineered hardwoods have the toxic glue in them :l Omg. So now we are testing and the floors upstairs are the laminate. Is this where all these dizzy spells came from? Then when AT&T had me running back and forth this house checking and troubleshooting connections I'd get dizzy and fall down stairs? Or fall off the table when I tucked my head down from the ceiling fan got dizzy and fell off the table shattering my arm when they had me pull up phone lines? I'll have to mention this to the doctor but I am just now catching up to the 2-3 yrs under the doctor who was actually a nurse's care :/  They only let you hit them with one thing at a time. Even when I hurt my back falling off the table. They said arm first. Or down the stairs busting my head open and injuring my neck. Got the neck done, got the arm done, got the BP, done, skin done (nerves and stress with my "I'm sensitive to everything" because my parents made everyone wash in Phisohex the first 3 months I was born not building up an immunity to common bacteria)....just lower back and dizzy...then I'm caught up! Damn that nurse!! I still think they should have suspended her for at least 2 years for that!

So whoever's fault it was....AT&T shouldn't have had me troubleshooting and paying for services of theirs that didn't work for 4 yrs., I wouldn't still be playing 'catch up' with my doctor if the nurse hadn't deceptively 'played doctor' with me (to keep me there and get money to fix their worse than 3rd world hospital that doesn't do surgery nor had a practicing doctor at the time?), and now we have to do air tests on the flooring already installed and the one Jim just brought in (unloaded over 1 ton in 15 minutes) :/ And of course to add to my stupid stuff....the nerve/disc damage has been really bad lately so my right and left sides just don't work together. It also took me 5 hours on mother's day to cut just the front part of the yard. Last year I could do it under 3 :/

For now I am also still catching up on last years travel, family, home, and reno photos set to my music CD's so when I am listening to music...I can glance over and see my photos and videos. Seems I haven't been in my art programs much lately though. I am just reminded that I am blessed to have my pals, Jim, grandchildren, and children here. If I didn't have anything to do and everything was straightened out...I'd probably go over the edge anyway just for something to do. I just pray for comfort and strength for my cousin and long ago friend's wife and their children during their time of separation from their loved ones.
They will be reunited one day when they are called home too. We all will be called. It's what we do or try to do while we are waiting.
God keep us all till then.

Saturday, May 2, 2015


Having to do this in a quick, fast hurry in case Home Depot needs to come in and look at how I want the cabinetry done here. From Elmwood fine cabinets but need a designer to help and all we have out here in the woods lol Home Depot an hour away :/ Don't know if they can order from them but instead of the mesh...I want the scrolled iron work like in my foyer tables and other accents in the house. This way...if we sell...the cabinets do not have to be a 'Shih Tzu' holding nest but a place for cookbooks, modems, wine, or whatever else the new owners would like.

As for the Afghans door...we will need that custom done too. The house is a wreck with all the furniture piled up into the den and pallets of flooring we can't lay until they get off their butts and just give me prices for and order the cabinets. And the hold up on that is resizing one kitchen window that requires a structural engineer (who is an hour away and just threw general contractor numbers at me...who must be farming because no call back there either :/). I know southerners are slow but really!

Well lots to blog about personally but will hold for later while not so busy. Having to run 2 hours up the road in hopes that designer at THAT home depot can get the lead out and get this underway! Have to hit up neurosurgeon again...get a second opinion...but I think I get it about the nerve damage now...calcium deposit or damaged disc is pinching nerve while the other is pinching spinal cord. I forget which is what because the side of my head, hearing, shoulder, neck, arm, and hand are sooo damaged...some days I just can't get out of bed :((( My doc says to jump on the one and only surgeon wanting to try this nerve block instead of surgery but I just keep having flashbacks of when they put that plate in my wrist to reattach my hand how he told the anesthesiologist to do a block. Same thing? Did Bonham from U2 who can't use his 2 fingers and play the guitar or Morgan Freeman whose hand injury leaving him to where he can't fly have nerve blocks too?!? Lol..omg. Just more issues and research but if that is the case...I don't want to 'try' another nerve block. I think the last one caused this damage and made everything 10 times worse :((( No wonder I can't open the door, drive, hold something!
Outta here to roll on with the day while I'm having an operable one! :D