Thursday, August 2, 2012

HUMAN GLITCHES

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Well...other than my bones are literally eroding and shattering, going through tons of doctors and tests, in hand therapy...I love my new doctor who is also a missionary. His office is full of antiques and crosses from various artisans. He suggested I write down my near death experience and I have been meaning to add it here and in my journal but asked why. I can't write and only blog while waiting for fast internet (which should be on by monday, so we will see but I'm not holding my breath :/). He said so I can put down as much as I can remember before I forget. I guess alzheimers next so here goes some of it anyway.

It was in 1980 I had a C section in Tucson, Arizona. My husband at the time was in surgery with me to take photos of our daughter and I am under but in this 'in and out' phase. Seems I already forgot what came first but I remember him asking "What is wrong with her e..." something or other. I also recall them taking Michelle and then what I can only refer to as 'subtle chaos'; a concerned shuffling about. Next I recall is scared out of my wits trying to crawl back into my body that was laying on the table. It's as if I could see the over view of a transparent me trying to do this when it hit me that it was my spirit that was separated from my body.

Don't waive tickets at me
I do know I didn't see a tunnel and it took a decade when near deaths were becoming numerous and more common (something over a million at the time but want to say 11) when I realized why. I didn't know anyone close to me to pass other than my grandmother who was agnostic. I just remember being suspended in this warm, loving, white light of energy. My body...or spirit, was one with it...like a small atom or ion attached and in unison with a larger, positive molecule but this was 'energy'. Totally positive and it was a bit ambiguous or 'veiled' like anything and everything could be revealed whenever showing whatever. Then there as this voice that said "Choose".

laughing AND crying
I'm not sure of 'choose what' but think sometimes whether it was to stay or come back down to earth, my body, and/or life. I know I thought about my daughter, Lindsay, and somewhere after that things went black...as hell literally. And there was this tunnel I spiriled down with negative, dark events and images of what appeared to be the highlights of 'life bits'. Then BAM! I was slapped back into my body and the left side jerked twice. I became a bit aware that my arms were strapped out to the side then I was just out, or blank again.

After all of that I remember a doctor asking me where I was and I struggled to lift my head and open my eyes to enthusiastically yell out "Tucson!!!" And the funny thing is that being in that light was the most euphoric experience I have yet to know. No fear, pain, chaos, drama...just peace, love, and 'all knowing'. It was like we each have this job, no matter how menial or grandiose...we each play a part...causing an action that carries like a wave of energy to the things surrounding us.

Lord only knows if I chose the right thing or not though. I have one daughter that thanks the fairies in the universe and the other plays vile music and is predominately agnostic. I love them both dearly, pray for, worry about, cry over, and miss. I may have failed but whether my experience was an NDE (near death experience I call 'flatline' or 'died') or just an out of body experience, I do know my spirit was on it's own journey, I changed into a VERY talkitive person, had more odd experiences but the other surgeries were ok other than one took 3 days for me to awaken and this last one...well...it was a bit strange but no out of body stuff ;) (I kept waking up over and over again only when my eyes would start to open...they would roll back into my head. It took an extra shot of something or other after all day and half the night :/).

My doctor was right when he said I'd forget, change the story to add more etc. because other instances flooded through like going up on Mount Lemon the night the photos were developed and my ex husband told me of the events from his view. I already forgot what he said other than he didn't want to talk about it again and I felt like I was telling everyone I was abducted by aliens or something. It just wasn't too common back then but I'm past caring if anyone thinks I'm crazy or not. I like the company I keep and you are either a believer or you are not. One day you have to come off the fence post but I hope it's with an open mind because you can get a glimpse into the metaphysical or unknown world if you are open to it ;)

Lifting Spirits :)
It continues to change me today and is a part of my testimony. The best thing I learned from it is to keep faith, hope, have no anger in your heart, keep loving and positive, live right (and the bible is our guide...especially Sirach from the Catholic bible), refrain from maliciousness or lewd acts, help when you can, and just grow, grow, grow. It's in growth you learn and are not spiritually dead.

Human Glitches? Experience usually comes from them. It makes us a bit more wise and able to make good decisions from them with time. I feel I bought some :)



*My treasures are my daughters, dogs, and spouse. Thanks to my husband, Jim, for giving his harley up again and booking to take me to South America from the 8th to the 23rd (not this month). We will also get to see his grandson in Miami before we sail. I'm just so tired all the time and feel it's really precious these days. Not to mention he works a lot so we really need to embrace it. I've always felt like an old soul and I want to make a special memory with my best friend, companion, and love during our life here together :}